My Cat, the Infertile

Well, I don't know if that's technically correct, but my kitty, like all my cats, has been "fixed." The thing is that she was meant to be a mom. How do I know this? She has three "babies." They are little stuffed Furbies that are from McDonald's happy meals. She adopted these Furbies and now treats them like children. She carries them from room to room in her mouth. She'll bring them into the living room during the day and back to the bedroom at night. You can always tell when she's moving her family, because she makes this funny meow when she's got one of them in her mouth.

I used to think this was so cute. I still do, but more and more, I feel sorry for my kitty. I know what it's like to want to have kids and not be able to. My cats are my "babies" and her Furbies are hers. Now, before you lock me in the looney bin, I realize that my cat doesn't mourn her infertility like I do. I still feel badly that she'll never really get to be a mommy, though. Thank goodness for little stuffed animals.

Stay at Home IVF Patient

I was talking to my mom on the phone last night about IVF, including all my lovely side effects and my schedule of appointments for the next couple of weeks, and she said, "It's a good thing that you're not working right now." I couldn't agree more.

I really don't know how people work while doing an IVF cycle. I know lots of people do. First of all, you have all of the appointments to deal with. Lots of offices do early morning appointments, but I'm sure working IVFers still have to miss a bunch of work. Then you have to deal with whether to tell your boss about IVF or just make up excuses every time you have to be out. Then there's how on earth to be productive when you're pumped full of drugs.

The latter would be the hardest part for me. Let me tell you, I am far from my usual self right now. It seems as though my brain is on vacation. Just ask my husband. It's driving him crazy. I'm just so damn loopy on Lupron (Loopron as I've seen it referred). You toss in the moodiness, and I'm worthless. Completely and utterly worthless.

So, to all of you women who work while in the midst of an IVF cycle, I'm in awe. I just don't know if I could do it. I'm very fortunate that I can just act like a moody idiot at home and not subject others (besides my husband) to this current version of me.

Reprieve

I'm not mad anymore. Last night I was pissed, but I can't stand to be mad at my husband for too long. I just need his support too much right now. I talked to him a little while ago, and he's going to come home from work early today so that we can spend lots of time together tonight.

I know that he doesn't really get how hard all of this is on me. Part of that comes from the fact that I'm trying to remain strong throughout all of this crap. He doesn't see my crying throughout the day while he's at work (although he can usually hear it when he calls). I know I've communicated to him that I'm having a hard time, but maybe he just doesn't fully understand.

This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do, and I'm only part of the way through it. The emotions involved with infertility and IVF are just so huge. Combine that with the side effects from the drugs, and oh man, you've got one hell of a combination.

I'm going to do whatever it takes to make sure that he knows how much I need him right now. I'll get it through his thick skull one way or another. I don't know how I'll make it otherwise.

They Just Don't Always Get It

I have a great husband, and I love him so much, but man sometimes he just doesn't get it. I guess like anyone else, unless you're actually going through it, it's hard to understand. Yes, he understands about the whole infertility business, but he doesn't fully get all this IVF stuff. He's knowledgeable about the technical aspects, but not as much about the emotional ones.

Tonight, my hubby called home from work about the time he usually does when it's time for him to leave. Except tonight, he was calling to tell me that he was going out for a drink with some work buddies. Ok. Whatever. He's getting ready to apply for some law clerkships, so his colleagues wanted to look over his list of judges. That's probably a good idea, and my husband promised he wouldn't stay too long. Today's been a rough day, so he knew that I needed him here.

Well, about an hour and a half later I get an email saying that his buddies have decided to throw him a quasi party, so he'll be staying a little longer. I didn't get why they felt the need to party over applying for the clerkships. I felt that should be reserved for if he actually got one.

Then I kept trying to email him to ask whether he was going to eat when he got home, so I knew what to cook for dinner. He kept giving me vague answers while I continued to hear the growling of my stomach.

Another half hour passes, and I get another email saying he'll be leaving soon. I wait another hour past that, and still no husband. I finally get a call over 3 hours after he left for his "short" outing that he's on his way home. Now I just have to wait the 30 minutes for him to drive home.

I normally wouldn't be this pissy, but I needed him here tonight, for at least part of the night. Why couldn't he understand that? I'm an emotional mess because of these damn drugs and the stress of it all. I just need some support, damn it.

Blogging Friendships

Is it possible to be friends with people you've never met and will likely never meet? I think so. There are many blogs that I read that I've learned a lot from. I admire the women that write them immensely, but I have not made a personal connection with all of them. I have become friends with some and not others.

Today, I realized how true those friendships that I've made are. One of my blogging pals just received devastating news. Now, I realize that a lot of bloggers have received gut wrenching news at one point or another, but some just hit me harder than others. Today, I just sat here crying over my friend's news. My heart hurt for her.

I guess some people would think that it's strange to have cyber friendships, but I don't. I've never been one of those people whose had a ton of girlfriends in "real life." So, now that I have girlfriends in blogland, it means a lot.

Thank you, fabulous women. You guys really are great friends. And to my friend who is hurting today, I'm so, so sorry. Know that I'm thinking about you.

The Never Ending Period

I'm totally confused. I normally have consistent 28 day cycles, so I know exactly when to expect my period. I knew that these IVF drugs would screw that up, but I didn't realize how much.

I started taking the birth control pills on August 1st, day 3 of my cycle. About a week and a half into them, I started spotting. The spotting continued throughout the rest of the BCPs. I took the last one on Saturday night. I continued to spot some on Sunday and Monday but had no spotting yesterday. Today I'm spotting again. I have no clue if this is the beginning of my period while on Lupron or what? I hate not knowing what's going on with my body.

I'm not scheduled to have my baseline ultrasound until next Friday, September 3rd, so I guess it doesn't matter if I get my period now or in a few days, but it's driving me crazy.

Oh, and in other news, the chocolate crisis has been averted, at least for the time being. I may have to go back to the store tomorrow, though, because my husband has been great about helping me devour my newly acquired chocolate stash.

News Flash

Emotionally unstable, Lupron-crazed local woman goes on rampage. Apparent cause: lack of chocolate in immediate vicinity. Details at 11.

Weekend Update - Bullet Style

We had a good time visiting my parents this weekend, and we ate very well. Cajun food is yummy. So is cake.

Here are the highlights from this weekend:

• I was informed by my mother that my unwed teenage cousin is pregnant.

• I was also informed that a different cousin's soon to be ex-wife is about to pop out another baby fathered by someone else. This cousin and ex are the parents of the little boys that my parents have custody of right now. Totally fucked up situation.

• My mother tried to get me to tell my grandparents about our IVF. Not happening. They just wouldn't get it. See above for examples of how reproduction is handled on that side of the family.

• I got my first injection bruise Saturday night. It's a lovely shade of purple and quite large.

• I took my last birth control pill on Saturday. Yay!

• I gave myself my first non husband involved injection last night. It went surprisingly well.

I guess that's about it. That's enough for one weekend, I think.

Mission Accomplished

My husband made it home from work in time for my first Lupron injection last night. I have to say, it went really well. I didn't get nervous, and my husband didn't end up passed out on the floor. Actually, he did a great job. I prepared the syringe, and he stuck me. It really wasn't bad at all.

Now this IVF seems real. It's hard to imagine that if all goes well, in a month from now we could have embryos to transfer. Wow. I just can't even imagine how I'll feel if we manage to reach that point. Considering the fact that my husband's sperm haven't even made the trip to my uterus before, the thought of having our embryos in my body is just mind blowing.

Well, my hubby and I are making the trip over to visit my parents this weekend for my dad's birthday. My husband's been really busy at work this week, but we feel it's important to make the trip. Can't say the same for my brothers, though. One has a legitimate excuse. He's moving from New Orleans to Fort Worth this weekend. Although, come to think of it, he will have to drive through the city where my parents live during his trip. My other brother is just flaky when it comes to visiting family. Apparently, he's just too tired to drive a few hours to visit my dad on his birthday. Whatever. I'm just glad we'll be able to go. Plus, my mom ordered a cake from the best bakery on earth. I already hear it calling my name. Have a good weekend, everyone.

Bringing Out the Big Guns

Today's the day for me to start the real drugs. My husband and I each have to take a pretty heavy dose of antibiotics today. I decided that since I was going to be taking my Lupron and BCP at night, that I should take my antibiotics earlier in the day so that all three of those drugs wouldn't be floating around in my body at the same time. I doubt it really matters, but nonetheless, I took the antibiotics with my lunch. Not the best decision I've ever made. They made me feel like total crap. Live and learn, I guess.

Now here's the deal with my Lupron injection for tonight. I've always planned on having my husband give me my first shot, but he may have to work late tonight. Last night he worked until 10pm and my Lupron is supposed to be given between 7 and 9pm. I'm fairly confident that I'll be able to give myself the injection if my husband doesn't make it home in time, it's just not how I planned it. Come to think of it, none of this IVF crap was "planned" so I guess one shot really doesn't matter now, does it? Either way, I'm sure I'll survive (at least the Lupron injection-I'm not so sure about the antibiotics).

Too Good

Oh, man. Yesterday's mens's gymnastics all-around competition was amazing. Gymnastics is my favorite sport in the Summer Olympics and figure skating is my favorite in the Winter Olympics. I guess because they both share a lot in common with ballet. Anyway, yesterday Paul Hamm became the first American to win gold in the men's all-around. What was awe inspiring was the way that he did it. Going from 1st to 12th to 1st was just amazing to watch. He scored 9.837 on the last two apparatus in order to win by the closest margin in the history of the men's all-around competition.

Ok. So, I'm a dork, but it was great to watch. I'm a sucker for a happy ending.

Bloggers Anonymous

My husband was reading The Couple's Guide to In Vitro Fertilization on the plane ride home Sunday night. I've mentioned this book before, and I do like it, but I don't see eye to eye with everything she says in it. While my husband was reading, he commented on a couple of parts of the book. One was the following:

...Web sites and chat rooms are wonderful places to connect with the IVF community. But they can also become a serious addiction. Try to resist the temptation to spend every waking moment online, to the detriment of your job, your relationships, and the quality of your life.

We both chuckled about this. Why? We're both serious internet addicts. Of course our sites of interest differ greatly (it's not like he reads infertility blogs and boards all day) but we both do a lot of connecting in cyberspace.

So when does this become too much? I do spend quite a bit of time online. I don't think it causes me problems in "real life" but it can get overwhelming at times. Monday, when I tried to get caught up on everything I had missed during my 3 days away from the internet world, it was too much.

I definitely think that blogs, message boards, and the ability to utilize my favorite research assistant- Google, have helped me tremendously in this roller coaster ride of infertility. I've learned so much more than I would have by just reading books. Plus, I've met some utterly fabulous women. The support system in the blogworld is amazing.

But when do you cross the line? When does it go from helpful to detrimental? I'm sure there's a continuum there, but how do you know where you are on it? I guess it varies from person to person. For some people, I guess spending an hour a day reading blogs and/or message boards would be too much. I've always said that the way that I deal with infertility and IVF is to immerse myself in it. It helps for me to turn the majority of my attention towards it. This is my life right now, but is that healthy? I don't know. I know that it's much easier to get burnt out that way, but I also know, that for me, it works (at least most of the time).

So, I guess the thing is that each of us just have to know when it's too much for us, so that we'll realize when it's time to take a half step back from it all.

It's Just Too Much

Well, I survived our quick trip to MI. Every minute seemed to be filled with some kind of drama. Plane delays, confiscations at security, bad food, "the baby" everywhere, sibling rivalry big time (my mother-in-law and her sister), and the list goes on. It was not a restful trip, in the least, but it was good to see my husband's family.

This morning I tried to get caught up on the happenings in infertility blog world. I had over 50 unread posts waiting for me. This does not include the happenings on the message boards that I read and post on.

It seems that there has been a lot of heavy discussion going on. I tried to post comments on a couple of blogs and realized that I just don't have the energy to get into all of that today. I'm just really tired. I'm tired of dwelling on infertility all of the time. Don't get me wrong, the infertility blog world has helped me immensely. Getting all of my own crap out and connecting with so many wonderful women dealing with similar issues has been amazing. It's just that sometimes I get overwhelmed with it all. I'm sure that in a couple of days, or even tomorrow, I'll be able to jump back on the bandwagon with gusto. Right now, though, I just can't.

I talked to my husband this afternoon and relayed how I was feeling. He said that we needed some time just for us, and I couldn't agree more. I don't know when that will be, though. Next weekend we'll be going to visit my parents for my dad's birthday. I guess maybe the weekend after that. Over a year ago, I started dreaming of a vacation to Hawaii for the two of us. We haven't been on a real vacation alone since our honeymoon over 6 years ago. We had planned to go to Hawaii this August until all of this infertility stuff fell into our lap. Now, with the IVF and the expense that it entails, we will not be going to Hawaii, or anywhere else for that matter.

I'm sure once I recover from this trip, I'll feel better. It's all just too much sometimes, ya know?

They're Here

I got my meds this morning. Man, is that a crap load of needles. I took a couple of pictures of all my meds and syringes all laid out on a table and posted them on my family blog. (I didn't feel the need to do so here, as most of you have seen the piles of meds and needles that I'm referring to.) I also posted a close up picture of the three different sizes of syringes. Anyway, you want to know my husband's comment to my post?

Okay, so it's probably not a good sign if I get a little queasy looking at the *picture* of the big needle, is it?

I just died laughing when I read that one.

Well, I won't be posting on my blog or reading other blogs (withdrawal here I come) until Monday. We're leaving way too early tomorrow morning and won't be back until late Sunday night. Have a good weekend everybody.

Minor Annoyances

There are two things going on in my little world that are frustrating me. Now, I realize that in the grand scheme of things that these annoyances are not that big of a deal, but they're getting under my skin a bit.

The first is that my apartment is currently the new hangout for the fruit flies in our neighborhood. The fault for this lies both with my husband and me. My husband has a bad habit of buying bananas and not eating all of them, so we had a couple of overly ripe bananas in our kitchen. I can sort of pass off my part in all of this on to the cats. My kitties love to go out on the balcony, and they beg to go out there multiple times a day. However, one of my kitty cats is quite a nervous nellie and freaks out if the balcony door is closed while she's out there. As a result, I have to leave the door slightly ajar when we go outside, thus the point of entry for the fruit flies.

Now, I realize that fruit flies are little and not quite as freaky as many other bugs, but they're quite annoying. They have quite a short life span (remember HS biology?) so we'll only have to put up with them for a little bit, but I'm still trying to get rid of them. Of course, the bananas were quickly escorted out of the apartment, but I'm also trying a home remedy that I found on the internet. You mix water, sugar, vinegar, and dish soap together. They're drawn to it and drown. Sad but effective.

My second annoyance has to do with our upcoming trip. My husband and I are leaving early Friday morning to fly to Michigan for his grandparent's 50th anniversary celebration. When we fly, I ALWAYS pack those Hostess Brownie Bite things to snack on during the flight(s). Well, this time I can't find them. I've looked at three different stores that carry them, and they are all out. Now, I realize I am totally superstitious about having these snacks to bring on our trip, but it's driving me crazy. I guess I'll go back to the store tomorrow to see if they've restocked.

I guess things are going ok if I'm complaining about bugs and snacks on my blog. Anything to keep me distracted from the enormity that is IVF, right?

The Package Is in the Mail

After what seems like a bigillion phone calls, several of which I had the pleasure of humming along to the hold music for quite some time, my meds are finally ordered. I spoke to my husband today and let him know the grand total, and he had a small coronary. I thought I was getting off easily compared to some of the numbers I've heard from other women. They should arrive Thursday, and that's when I'll probably have a coronary. I guess it won't seem real until I get that box filled with overpriced vials and mountains of needles. I'm ready to start, though. This birth control pill holding pattern thing is getting old. (Although, I have to say that I like what it's doing for my boobs).

The Blame Game

I've noticed a trend in the infertility blogworld this week. A lot of wonderful ladies are pondering whether or not their negative thinking could have contributed to their infertility. This is what I have to say to that: NO. You did not cause your infertility. This drives me crazy. Don't ask me why any of us have to go through this. I have no clue. I do know that we didn't cause our bodies (or our husband's) to do this. Please, stop blaming yourselves, ladies.

It is my belief that negative thinking or stress or whatever does not cause infertility, nor does it decrease our odds of success when it comes to ART. I know it's easy to find a study to support anything, but here's one that examines the effect of stress on pregnancy outcomes in women undergoing ART procedures. Here's the conclusion of the study:

Biochemical markers of stress failed to support a deleterious effect of stress on pregnancy outcome in women who underwent ART procedures. Subjective measurement of stress levels did not differ between women who became pregnant and those who did not.

Yes, the study only had a sample size of 42, but I don't care. It illustrates my point.

The reason I'm devoting a post to this topic is that it breaks my heart to see these wonderful women blaming themselves. IT'S SO NOT YOUR FAULT! You didn't cause this, God didn't cause this, it just happened, and we just have to find a way to deal with it the best way that we can.

Uh Oh

Someone just found my blog by searching for IVF+blog+Amanda. If you know me, back away slowly and no one will get hurt. Just kidding, but in all seriousness this makes me wonder if I should have been a little more anonymous about blogging. Tertia has a good post about this very topic.

I guess this was inevitable, and it's fine. If people I know stumble across my blog, they'll just have to deal with what I've written and will continue to write. This is me in all my glory. I would hope that they wouldn't use my blog as a way to spy on me, but it's not like I can do anything about it if they did. I guess this is just one of those things about putting stuff "out there."

Blogging is definitely worth the risk of being "discovered." I have "met" so many wonderful women out there that have given me such wonderful support. Plus, it's been therapeutic for me just to write about all of this infertility stuff. I really am thankful that I started this blog. It's the best thing I've done in a long time.

I Hate Birth Control Pills

These birth control pills sure are doing a number on me. They make me feel like crap. I've been taking them late at night in hopes of sleeping through most of the effects, but they're still making me feel so nauseated. In fact, I haven't felt up to eating until mid afternoon the past three days.

I kind of expected this. I'm really sensitive to meds in general. Plus, when I first started taking these blasted pills many moons ago, I reacted badly to them. I guess my body enjoyed the over 2.5 year hiatus from them and is letting me know it's not happy with their return. Boy, I can't wait to see how my body reacts to the Lupron and Gonal-F. Should be fun.

OK- I Take It Back

I've written a couple of posts in which I griped about my mother in law. Mostly about the emails she sends me. I didn't really think she got how sensitive I was about the whole infertility thing. Well, I guess I was wrong, at least partially.

She called last night while my husband was still at work. We talked for nearly half an hour. Our conversation centered around two things: the upcoming anniversary celebration for my husband's grandparents (her parents) and our infertility. They're leaving for Michigan tomorrow, over a week before we'll be going. She made a comment about how she realized how hard that weekend is going to be for us. You see, my husband's cousin will be there with her new baby. This baby is the first great-grandchild on that side of the family and will undoubtedly be the center of attention. My mother in law went on to say that she knew that the new baby would be getting all of the attention, and she realized that would be hard for us to watch. I told her that yes, it was going to be very hard for us, especially for me. I let her know that I had even debated not making the trip for that very reason. She was very supportive about the whole situation.

We also talked about who should be told about our infertility and upcoming IVF on my husband's side of the family. Both my mother in law and father in law's families are very catholic, so that could be an issue. We talked about how important it was to only share the info with people we thought would be supportive of us and not judgmental.

We have not told any of the people on my side of the family except my immediate family. I don't think any of them would really "get it" or even make the attempt to. I guess we just have to do our best to make the judgment call on who will and won't be supportive, and if we're wrong, just deal with that the best we can.

It was a good conversation. I know I've griped about my mother in law on my blog a few times, but that's really just a way for me to work through my feelings. I'm just thankful that both my husband and I are surrounded by family members that care and are supportive of us.

Shooting Up

When I first considered the prospect of doing IVF, I was pretty much terrified of the whole injection thing. I've never been a fan of needles, not that anyone really is. The thing I've found, though, is that the closer we get to actually having to do the injections, (only 15 more days, not that I'm counting) the less nervous I've become. I thought it would be the opposite, but I'm more determined than ever to just get that part over with. I'm even fairly confident that I'll be able to give myself the subq shots, which is a good thing knowing how my husband deals with similar situations.

I've been meaning to blog about the following event but always think of something else to write about. My husband has a track record with passing out. Back in college, he came with me to one of my abnormal psychology classes one day. It just so happened that the lecture that day was about gross physical abnormalities. Half way through the lecture, I look over and my husband is totally unconscious and shaking in a seizure like manner. It totally freaked me out. I got the attention of the professor, and the rest of the people in the big lecture hall as a result. The professor cleared the classroom, someone called 911, and another student that happened to be premed or prenursing or something medical came up to help us. She even had her little resuscitation mask thingy. I think my husband came to by the time the paramedics got there. (It's hard to remember exactly since I was freaking out). The paramedics put him on a stretcher and brought him to the student health center. (Not to worry. The health center at our university was not rinky dink at all). They ran a bunch of tests on him including an EKG. What did the doctors decide had happened? He had simply passed out. Yep, the lecture had made him so queasy that he had passed out. It was terrifying at the time, but we can look back at laugh at it now.

That's just one example of why I think my husband might have trouble with giving me the injections. He has trouble getting a simple blood draw, so giving me shots might be interesting. Last night, as my newly self-confident self, I told my husband that I was pretty sure that I could give myself the shots, so that he wouldn't have to worry about it. He replied that he wanted to give them to me. I think it's great that he wants to be involved, and that is one way that he can help. It's sweet that he's willing to try to overcome this fear in order to try to make things a little easier for me. We'll see how sweet it is, though, when I'm scooping him off the kitchen floor.

Is There Something in the Water?

I've come to the conclusion that there must be something in the water in blogworld this week. Three of the lovely ladies who have blogs that I read have gotten positive betas this week. Congratulations to Pazel, Mandy, and Dee. I sure hope whatever they've got will rub off on me and the rest of my blogging pals.

The Double Edged Sword

I think there are two types of IVF patients. The first has the intense need to know as much as possible about IVF. This patient will scour all resources (books, google searches, medical journals, infertility blogs, etc.) in order to be as informed as possible. This patient just can't know enough about it. The second type of patient trusts her doctor to know what's best. This patient learns what she needs to in order to survive the IVF process, but she doesn't go digging to learn anything above and beyond that. This patient follows instructions well.

OK. I know this is a horrible generalization, but I think you get my point. I, and most of the blogging infertiles I read, are type 1 patients. I guess I thought everyone was like this since this is what I am and what I am surrounded by. Not so. Yesterday I posted on a message board about the questions I had with my protocol. I noted that I had asked to be switched from progesterone suppositories to PIO for the reasons mentioned in my other post. Someone replied that they had been on suppositories during their previous IVF, and they hadn't realized that there was another option. It just baffled me that this person had gone through IVF without ever hearing about PIO.

I think, all in all, it's good to be a type 1 patient, but it does have it's down sides. At one point during my husband's treatment, his doctor told me that I was asking board-level questions. The nurse assigned to my husband during his big surgery asked me if I was also a nurse based on how I was speaking to my husband's doctor and the other nurses. To me, these are good things. Infertility and IVF are the most challenging things I've ever encountered. The only way for me to survive mentally and emotionally is for me to be super informed. I know more about the male reproductive system than I ever dreamed I would know. Not only is being a type 1 patient the best way I can see to make sure my husband and I receive the best medical treatment for our specific case, it's also a coping mechanism for me.

Now, the down side. It can make me a little crazy at times. Yesterday, instead of "getting excited" about receiving my protocol, like a lot of new IVF patients would, I worried incessantly about my protocol. I know there's no such thing as the perfect protocol, especially since this is my first IVF, but I wanted to make sure that mine was as close as possible. I just couldn't stop worrying about whether or not I was going to be on Lupron for too long.

I guess I should start trusting my doctors more, but I can't. Ever since my OBGYN in South Bend told me that the fact that we hadn't conceived by that point was probably due to stress and that once my husband was out of law school we'd probably be able to conceive more easily. And ever since my first OBGYN in Houston told me that I shouldn't have fertility testing done, due to the fact that our insurance wouldn't cover it since our infertility had already been determined to be male factor, I don't trust doctors as a rule. I eventually learned to trust my husband's urologist, but only because I had done enough research to know that everything coming out of his mouth was right. One thing that infertility has taught me is that I have to be my own advocate when it comes to my and my husband's healthcare. Never again will I walk into a doctor's office without having done my research beforehand.

I guess I should qualify all of my above statements with the fact that I think people should do what works for them. If you're a type 2 patient, and that works for you, by all means don't listen to me. I just think people should take some time to inform themselves. I don't think, however, that anyone needs to drive themselves crazy like I do. I have to admit that I'm obsessed. A lot of people would think that I'm insane for gluing myself to the internet all day long. This is how I deal with all of this. If it's less stressful for people to be a type 2 patient or to think, "I would never let infertility take over my life like that," go right ahead. I guess we all just have to do our best to get through all of this however we see fit.

And So It Begins

I took my first birth control pill last night. It felt really weird to pop that thing in my mouth. The last bcp I took was in December of 2001. I'm really hoping they don't make me feel like crap, but they probably will. I got sick when I first started taking birth control pills back in the dark ages.

I went and picked up my big fat IVF info packet this morning. I looked through my protocol and had a couple of questions. I waited around so that I could talk to the IVF coordinator. First, they have me scheduled to take Lupron for 15 days before I have my baseline ultrasound and start stims. That seemed a little long to me. Basically, it all has to do with scheduling. They try to schedule all baselines for Fridays. I asked about oversuppression but was told that it shouldn't be a problem due to my age (27) and FSH (4.5). What do you guys think?

Secondly, they had me scheduled to take progesterone suppositories and lozenges instead of PIO. I asked why this was, and the coordinator told me they have had problems with people having reactions to the PIO and also problems with patient compliance. She told me that she could switch me to PIO if I wanted, and I told her "yes, please."

It's my understanding that PIO is the "gold standard" when it comes to progesterone supplementation, so I don't want to take any chances with anything else. Also, I don't know if it's just me, but I'd rather have a big old needle stuck in my butt once a day than to have to deal with messy suppositories twice a day. I'm not a fan of having yucky stuff shoved up my hoo ha.

So, I guess things are set. They're going to fax my prescription order today. Oh, along with my packet 'o info, I got a couple of instructional videos (they do that instead of an injection class) and a nifty little bag to carry my meds with me if need be. It has a little cool pack thing, a miniature sharps container, alcohol pads and bandaids, and a practice vial and syringe. Pretty cool. I know, I get excited about the littlest things. My bag will come in handy when we go visit my parents for the weekend of my dad's bday the day after my first injection. That should be interesting.